Intro: families and college admissions stress
Over the course of more than fifteen years, I’ve helped hundreds of high schoolers and their parents ace the college admissions process. And during that time, I’ve noticed a few patterns about the different ways that families handle the stressors of test prep, ambitious course loads, and application season.
These days, all of my one-on-one tutoring sessions take place online. But in my first years as a test prep coach, most of my lessons were in-person—so, I’d travel to my clients’ homes. As a result, I saw my students interact with their parents and siblings in their natural environment. I quickly realized something that still informs my approach to this day: every family has a unique reality and dynamic.
What does that mean for me as a coach? Well, it means my job wasn't just to get my student the highest score possible. An excellent test prep mentor should also help lower the baseline stress levels of this challenging process—for this particular family, in this particular home context.
I've learned that there are a LOT of slip-ups that can happen during the marathon of test prep—and so, I've developed strategies for helping families navigate those mistakes with strength, serenity, and even humor. I’ve realized what many families can’t see from within the storm: that the college process CAN actually be sane and focused…and that there are concrete steps you can take to make that happy dream your reality.
So let’s look at two different versions of how these years can go. As you’ll see, things can get pretty rough, or the admissions process can be an enriching challenge in which a high schooler gets to take pride in his achievements and learn about himself. It’s a crossroads with real repercussions—but you’re the one holding the compass.
Option 1: The wrong way to approach college admissions
Exhausting Junior Year
The summer before junior year, Sophia’s mom signs her up for an SAT course. Despite meeting for hours each day, the class doesn’t actually have much real content or strategy to offer. And although the instructor has Sophia blow through the first 4 of the real College Board practice Digital SATs (which are precious, because there are a limited number!) in order to “assess her progress,” her score only increases from a 1260 to a 1280. This is because she hasn’t actually reviewed math or reading comprehension or grammar in any detail, and has instead learned only vague “study tips” from a generalist instructor.
In an effort to move the needle more, Mom soon hires a tutor—a “genius” twenty-something who just graduated from Stanford and got a perfect score on the SAT back in 2020. Super-Smart Tutor doesn't have much of a gameplan for Sophia’s studying, or much specific knowledge of standardized test-taking skills. Instead, he reviews Sophia’s missed practice test problems with her, then the two work through a generic test prep book together.
Since Sophia doesn’t seem to be making much “progress,” Mom increases Super-Smart Tutor’s sessions to 3x a week. Since all of these sessions involve working through a practice test module or two, soon Sophia has run out of real College Board practice tests to take.
Mom signs Sophia up to take the October SAT. The increasingly burnt-out Sophia scores a 1250—lower than her very first practice test score—and Mom takes it hard. Mom calls all the other parents she knows, desperately seeking an emergency strategy. After all, anything less than a 1500 is a “catastrophe”! Sophia will never get into Harvard with a less-than-exceptional score.
Mom gets the idea from a mom friend of hers to change tack; maybe the SAT just isn’t Sophia’s test. So, Sophia gets signed up for the December ACT. Mom continues to hire Super-Smart Tutor, telling him exactly what she wants him to focus on in each session (“You should drill Transition Word questions—that’s where she struggles the most”; “Have her do loads of linear equation problems so she’s prepared for every possible way they could ask—other students learn concepts, but she needs rote repetition”). Maybe Mom even hires a second tutor, also a "genius," because the ACT is a different test, and don’t you need a different tutor for a different test? (Sophia hasn't made up her mind about which test she’s going to use for her college apps, so she's still studying for, and pulling her hair out over, both.)
So in addition to taking 3 AP classes, serving as captain of the soccer team, and practicing piano, Sophia has a tutor for ACT Reading and English, a different tutor for ACT Math and Science, plus the original Genius Tutor for the SATs. All told, she has four tutoring sessions a week. She is signed up for ACTs in December, February, April and June (because of score choice, Mom figures, Sophia might as well sit for as many dates as possible!), and is signed up to take SATs in December and March.
Despite (or because of?) all the stress and work she's putting into managing this process, Mom might feel a false sense of comfort (look at how hard Sophia is working!)...or she might feel like she’s losing her mind.
Poor Sophia, meanwhile, is definitely on the brink of collapse. She’s been made to feel that she’ll massively disappoint EVERYONE in her life if she doesn’t get into Harvard, but she spends so much time hitting the books (and actually sitting) for the ACT and the SAT that her AP grades are dropping.
To make matters worse, she doesn’t have time to write songs or even play piano anymore—even though that used to be the passion that centered and inspired her. But mom says she’s got to cut it, because it’s not an extracurricular with a shiny title: you can’t be co-founder of song-writing! And piano won’t get her into college anyway, since she’s not “competitive.” Instead, Mom has signed Sophia up to participate in a couple “service trips” to developing nations during her spring and summer breaks—which she’ll have to cram in in between campus visits to every single hyper-competitive college on the eastern seaboard.
She can always go back to piano when the “college marathon” is over and she can get to “be herself” again, the thinking goes.
Unfortunately, Sophia’s 12th grade odyssey is going to make 11th grade look like a walk in the park!
An Even More Overwhelming Senior Year
Sophia’s last year of high school turns out to be even more exhausting and joyless than the previous ones. Mom insists that she keep meeting with her armada of various tutors, and her slowly unraveling daughter continues taking the Digital SAT in August and October and the ACT in September and October. Mom also hires a third person to help Sophia write her college application essays with (or, really, FOR) her, emphasizing what Mom thinks of as the shiniest achievements on Sophia’s record. Her parents insist that Sophia apply to 21 different schools, most of them “reaches.” But what does Dad care if those numbers don’t have much of a strategy behind them? After all, his colleague at the hospital recently got his daughter into Harvard Early Decision!
After all the applications are finally in, Sophia feels completely depleted, as well as angry at her parents for pushing her so hard. During senior spring, Sophia does the bare minimum to “keep her grades up” in her classes, and practically has a breakdown waiting for college admission decisions to come in. She eventually gets into a small set of the schools on her list, and chooses the most prestigious out of those, which some of her classmates consider a “safety.”
Dad, while bummed that Sophia didn’t make his Harvard dream a reality, is still glad he gets to brag to some of his colleagues about where she was admitted. Driven half-crazy by the whole rigmarole, Mom is just relieved Sophia got in somewhere. But Sophia truly has nothing left in the tank when it comes to academics and related work. Wait—you mean I don’t get to retire now? I have to actually go to the school and really begin studying? But nope—even though Sophia now feels totally burned out, and probably uninspired about herself and her future, this is only the beginning of the real academic road. Great beginning, right?
***
Phew! I almost had a heart attack from second-hand stress just typing that all out.
This is no way to spend your final, precious teenage years. But unfortunately, I know from having seen it in action many times: this is what a lot of families actually do to themselves during junior and senior years. (And everyone is dreading doing it all over again when Sophia’s younger brother Liam hits junior year!) They want their kid to get into the best school possible, and they think this hellish marathon is simply the price they HAVE to pay.
But it doesn't have to be like this.
Option 2: How to have a calm admissions college process
Well-balanced Junior Year plan for college
Take a deep breath with me, and picture this instead:
Megan is about to begin 11th grade. She and her mom and dad all see other parents and students at school going berserk about SAT and ACT prep and picking colleges. Seeking an alternative to this collective mania, they make an appointment with an expert who can give them some big-picture advice for the journey to come.
With the help of the school’s college counselor (or perhaps a private college counselor, if the one at school isn’t very involved) and the Fiske Guide to Colleges, Megan and her parents come up with an initial list of five colleges that seem to be good fits for Megan’s personality, life goals, and academic interests.
Megan has a natural curiosity about math, but, like Sophia, she also really loves the piano and writes songs for fun. She wants to find a college that can nurture these existing passions but allows her the flexibility to explore other areas of academic interest as well. Though she’s captain of her softball team, she’s not at the superstar level that will get her recruited for college teams, and doesn’t see herself becoming a pro athlete. She knows she wants to end up somewhere in the Eastern U.S. (within a few hours’ driving distance from home), but doesn’t necessarily want to be in a humongous city like NYC, where she lives now.
After some research (carried out by her college counselor and/or on their own), Megan and her parents have assembled about five schools that appear to be strong fits for those parameters.
Megan and her parents then go consult a pro test prep expert/mentor who can fill in the blanks on the rest of this sometimes-cryptic process. For that initial appointment, all that Megan and her family have to do is to bring their short list of colleges and and a completed diagnostic ACT and SAT.
With just these three pieces of information, Test Prep Mentor works her magic.
First, the Mentor gets to know Megan by asking a series of questions, figuring out how Megan is motivated, what her family dynamics are, and what the family’s goals and expectations for this process are.
Using that information, as well as the diagnostic practice tests and college list, Test Prep Mentor determines which test—ACT or Digital SAT?—is right for Megan. Especially because Megan struggles with running out of time on fast-paced tests, the Mentor determines that the SAT will better display Megan’s strengths than the ACT.
After Test Prep Mentor conducts more in-depth research on Megan’s college list, she determines several more things:
Which target scores are required to get Megan into her college list. (A 1350 is fine, turns out! No need to drive herself nuts gunning for a 1550.)
What Megan needs to hit in a single sitting of her chosen test, versus what score she needs to Superscore to.
Which colleges on her list even DO Superscoring and/or score choice.
What Megan’s testing strengths and weaknesses are.
Which tests and test dates Megan will sign up for and take.
What content and strategy Megan needs to learn each month until those test dates—and how she’ll do that.
Megan and her mom and dad sign her up for a tutoring package that includes weekly private sessions and a certain number of Parent Calls, all of which they can schedule/reschedule/cancel online. Whenever Mom and Dad want to check in about Megan’s progress, they can just schedule a Parent Call with Test Prep Mentor to have a private conversation. If Mom and Dad want Test Prep Mentor to chat with Megan’s college counselor or neuropath, they can use one of their package’s Parent Calls for that purpose, too. They just schedule everything online, and it’s as good as done!
Each week, Megan works on a manageable helping of SAT prep. Her Mentor makes sure Megan is clear on what her homework is, and she simply works through a given week’s assignments before her sessions. If she is confused about any part of her homework, she hops onto Weekly Office Hours with Test Prep Mentor and gets her questions answered. All she has to do is look at her smartphone calendar to see when Office Hours are that week, and click the video conference link at the given day and time. Et voilà! Instant face time with Test Prep Mentor.
Or, if Megan prefers to work the problems out for herself, she can consult the online courses and ebooks that come to her free as part of her package with Test Prep Mentor. Whether she’s more of a video- or a reading-based learner, Megan can review these thorough explanations for every type of problem on the Digital SAT as often as she wants.
Because Megan knows exactly what she has to do each week, and how she needs to spend and conserve her energy for the marathon that is test prep, she doesn’t feel overwhelmed. She can focus on keeping up her A average in her 4 AP classes, having fun and winning games in softball, writing songs on the piano (she loves performing them for her brother and cat!), and building genuine friendships that help her feel heard and find healthy ways to relieve stress.
During school breaks, Megan and her parents visit the universities on her list. In the process, they discover that one school that was a bit of an unknown is in fact a fantastic fit with Megan personality and goals for her future. Megan could have an amazing, enriching four years there! Her Test Prep Mentor reviews the median scores for students admitted to that school and determines that Megan only needs to earn a 1350 to be competitive there.
Megan takes the SAT in March and again in May. She gets a 1380 in May and is done. Since that’s all that’s required to open the door to her new favorite college pick, Test Prep Mentor insists that they wrap their SAT prep and instead spend time on other things that matter: cultivating Megan’s growing passions for songwriting and math.
Manageable 12th Grade College Apps Plan
After getting all 4’s and 5’s on her AP tests—and totally acing her finals, since she had plenty of spare time to study for them—Megan spends the summer before 12th grade doing what she loves.
She doesn’t have to prep for the SAT any more, after all. She takes a singer-songwriter workshop and even a class on digital music editing. She also finds an internship at an engineering nonprofit. Though she is only answering phones and taking notes at meetings about the firm’s work designing septic systems in rural Costa Rica, she’s getting a real sense of what a career in engineering might be like. She decides that though she loves math and engineering in and of themselves, what really truly inspires her is the prospect of using her science skills someday to make an impact with people in need.
Though Megan has gained lots of self-knowledge through her enriching summer, she’s still feeling a bit unsure of of what exactly to focus her Common App essay on. Since she clicked so well with Test Prep Mentor the first time around, Megan seeks her services out again in August. With a 6-hour Personal Statement package, Megan gets an actionable plan and support at every step of the writing process through one-on-one brainstorming and editing sessions.
Thanks to this expert’s feedback and big-picture planning, Megan has time to revise her 650-word essay several times until it really sparkles. By the end of their time together, her Personal Statement persuasively and honestly conveys the passionate person that Megan is and what she wants to accomplish in the world.
Megan begins senior year with her entire Common App finished, having only a few more supplemental essays left on her college app plate. Because she isn’t overburdened with college app work, she thrives in her upper-level math and engineering courses and keeps taking piano and music editing workshops over the weekend. Bit by bit, she completes all her applications, submitting her first choice as Early Decision and the remaining ones soon after. No waiting until January 1st for Megan!
And come December 21st, Megan gets an early Hanukkah gift: she’s been accepted Early Decision to her top choice school! She can enjoy her winter break instead of writing more college applications!
Megan’s parents are thrilled and proud. Not only has the whole family made it through the entire test prep and college process with minimal suffering, but their daughter has also matured into an introspective young adult who knows how she wants to make the world a better place. And they can spend the entire spring semester celebrating both of these wins—together.
For Megan and her parents, the college process wasn't an albatross tied around their necks, an endless series of stresses and anxieties made even worse by a sense of failure and doom hanging over everything. Those two years were challenging, sure, but they were also full of chances to learn and grow as people and a family, and they rose to those challenges together.
Conclusion
So what determines whether you end up in Sophia’s reality or Megan’s?
You do! I know there are a lot of decisions—large and small—to make as you approach the daunting years of test prep and college applications. But I wrote this post to remind you that it's the big-picture choices that count the most. Those are the ones that determine what the reality of this experience will feel like for you and your family. With the right philosophy and strategy (and guidance!), you can shape your own reality.
One of those key, early big-picture choices is to find yourself a Test Prep Mentor who will break up the enormous project that is college admissions into manageable, week-by-week tasks...and provide you with a specific-to-you approach to the tests and applications so that you don’t waste your time working on things that won’t improve your chances. My Ace the Test: Game Plan + Tutoring package combo is a great option if Megan’s day-to-day is what you want your junior and senior years to look like.
