How to Actually Help Your Kid When She's Applying to Colleges

Pre-college parental panic: it’s real, and it’s VERY common. In fact, I see it walk through the doors of my college prep and standardized test prep business every day. From the parents of an underclassman, who—due to peer pressure from the other parents at their (private) high school—are freaking out about when to enroll their teen into tutoring and test prep classes. To the parent of a junior, who—due to peer pressure from the other parents at their (private) high school—have registered their daughter for EVERY single sitting of the SAT AND ACT (true story!). Even to the parent of a senior, who—due to peer pressure from the other parents at their (private) high school—have extended their daughter’s college list to include a whopping 30 colleges!

The more, the earlier, the better...right?

These parents usually come to me seeking advice right after they almost lose their minds (from aforementioned peer pressure from fellow parents or from the school college counselor, or after they attend their first “college meeting” at school and get overwhelmed), and are hoping and praying for a less crazy approach to junior and senior years. One Ace the Test: Game Plan later, and they can breathe easy again.

Here’s the secret: staying sane through test prep is all about honing in on the RIGHT pieces of information, and knowing how to tune out the noise—which is pretty much everything else.

So, here’s the definitive list of the important stuff. This is the stuff that is absolutely worth your time and resources to get figured out.

What parents should know during the college application process

1) Your son or daughter’s college list, even a preliminary one.

Without this piece of information, you won’t know what target SAT or ACT scores to help your kid work towards, or whether Super Scoring or Score Choice is allowed at the schools they’re interested in.

To help your high schooler make her list, you can either do it yourself, or hire someone like an independent college counselor. For the DIY version, buy the Fiske Guide to Colleges and explore websites like the College Board's to learn about different colleges. If you need external assistance, and the resources at your son or daughter’s high school aren’t cutting it, one fabulous college counselor I know is Abby Siegel. She is excellent at helping your high schooler find the exact colleges that would fit his or her passions and academic interests.

2) Whether to take the SAT or the ACT.

This is a major decision. The good news, though, is that as soon as you've made it, you’ve saved yourself countless hours of test prep. That's why I focus on helping you make the call that’s right for YOU, both on my website and in my Ace the Test: Game Plan.

3) Which 2 or 3 test dates to work towards.

If you know what test dates you are aiming for, you can work backwards to create a Testing Timeline. Make sure to build into your student’s plan plenty of time to drill content, learn strategies, take practice tests and take mock tests—all before the big day. A Testing Timeline like the ones I make with you in the Ace the Test: Game Plan establishes a path to test-day success that takes stress off of everyone's plates and frees up your high-schooler's attention for studying.

4) Which colleges your son or daughter actually likes the most.

After you’ve figured out a list, you should also plan visits to your student’s top schools to make sure you’re on the right track. The time and money that goes into those campus trips are worth the clarity they bring to the process, and great visits can really motivate your high schooler.

In addition to focusing on the right pieces of information, your job as a parent of a high school student is also to NOT fall for bad advice and time-sucking, unnecessary extra work. Here’s a list of crazy-making myths to tune out, no matter how many times you hear them from fellow parents.

Mistakes to avoid while your student is applying to colleges

1) Just take both the SAT and the ACT several times to “see what’s better.”

This is a colossal waste of your high schooler’s time and energy during the most stressful time in his or her life thus far. Invest a little time at the beginning of the process to see which test is better, decide, and focus only on that one. You’re more likely to get the results you want if your teen focuses all of his energy on one thing.

2) Prepare early! In fact, the earlier the better!

If you are hearing this as a parent of a freshman or sophomore, please aggressively disregard it. Put some earplugs in if you need to. Contrary to popular belief, your high schooler should NOT start prepping for the ACT or SAT freshman year. I wrote a whole impassioned post about why not.

3) Apply everywhere! The more applications, the better!

Again, more is not always better. After all, it’s your son or daughter who will have to write the supplemental essays for all those unnecessary schools, taking time away from schoolwork (this shows up in senior transcripts, and yes, that matters). And the unpleasant cherry on top—you’ll ALSO have to pay the application fees for all those schools. A dozen applications is normal. Thirty applications is nuts.

4) The more extracurricular activities—especially community service—the better!

When it comes to writing college applications, well-rounded students pale in comparison to students who’ve developed a true passion or two and explored them deeply. Surface philanthropy or volunteerism looks fake. If you need a reality check, read #2 in this post on the top mistakes people make when applying to colleges.

So in sum? The way to stay sane during this incredibly stressful time in a parent’s life is to develop a test prep plan with your student and help her stick to it. Instead of spreading your time and energies thin, use them where it counts. If you feel confident in where your son or daughter is going and how you’ll get there, you’ll be able to ignore the panicked notions of the anxious parents around you…and more likely to survive the college process with your sanity and family relationships intact.

As always, if you could use a professional in your corner throughout any of this process, book an Ace the Test: Game Plan!